


The definition of love

by Catseatingmuffins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cutting, Depressed Keith (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith cuts, Keith has no family, Keith hates himself, M/M, Minor Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Pidge is a they, Pidge ships it, keith - Freeform, klance, lance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2018-12-22 18:19:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11973006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catseatingmuffins/pseuds/Catseatingmuffins
Summary: Keith falls asleep and Lance has to watch him so he doesn't hurt himself. Not that he wanted to. Lance would rather do anything else. Unfortunately, he was the only one not busy.





	1. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith falls asleep and Lance has to watch him so he doesn't hurt himself. Not that he wanted to. Lance would rather do anything else. Unfortunately, he was the only one not busy.

“Are you ready to go down mullet?" Lance smirked from across the training area. Keith crossed his arms.

"Not a chance." After a few minutes of wrestling Keith had Lance down and was getting impatient, Lance would not stop moving. Somehow, Lance threw him off and they wrestled a bit more. Despite staying awake for three days, Keith couldn't refuse a challenge.

After a bit more wrestling, Keith was starting to feel tired. He had to fight to keep his eyes open. Suddenly, he was pinned. Lance had his arms, legs, and chest pinned down and he was fighting to stay awake. Soon into Lance's victorious babbling. Keith had fallen asleep. And Lance looked down from his speech.

He shook Keith, trying to wake him up, then resorted to finding Pidge. "PIDGE HELP SOMETH- ahem, I mean. Stupid mullet fainted or something during practise. Idiot." Pidge snickered but rushed to Keith anyway. They checked to see if he was okay, but resolved that he was just asleep.

Probably stayed up so long that the minute he laid down, he passed out." Pidge told Lance. Then they smirked. "Y'know. You will have to take him to your room." She emphasized the words "You" and "Your" enjoying the look of surprise and embarrassment on Lance's face.

"W-what?"

"Shiro is having a meeting with another planet's inhabitants, Hunk is off with Shay on a date, and I'm working on a project." Lance crossed his arms, blushing. "W-well I... I umm. I have to. Uhh. Do my beauty routine! It’s very important, you know!" He stammered, looking away at the end of his sentence to stare at the wall.

Pidge sighed, shaking their head. "Nope, it's all you. C'mon man seriously. No one else is available and we have to make sure he doesn't... um.. y'know. Roll over onto a lamp or something." Pidge chuckled, slowly backing away.

"Roll over on a lamp. Really." Lance said, poking at the stoic Keith. Finally, he sighed and picked Keith up, holding him like a princess... or at least that's what Pidge thought it looked like.

Lance blushed even harder when Keith snuggled into his chest, gripping onto the fabric slightly, and mumbled something incoherent. Lance speed-walked to his room and laid Keith down carefully, waiting for Shiro to come and help Keith.

When Shiro finally did come in, he looked stressed. He shoo’d Lance out of the room and got Keith out of his dirty clothes, (since he was his older brother) then Shiro told Lance not to disturb Keith.

Since Shiro hadn't seen Keith  _ really  _ sleep in three years, he made sure Lance wouldn't wake him.

When Shiro left Lance sighed. He didn't know what to do next. His bed was occupied and he had to watch Keith. Lance paced around his room. Looking around at the mess of clothes and general junk, he decided to clean.

Now, this wasn't something Lance normally did on his free time, but he didn't want to seem like a creep just staring at Keith.

Once he finished cleaning his room, he decided to do his beauty routine. Every so often he would peek his head out of the bathroom to check on Keith. He wasn't concerned or anything, just didn't want him to ruin his room after he got it all cleaned.

He finished his routine and looked around. He didn't have any work to do, his room was clean, he did his beauty routine, what else could he do? He checked the time. "TWELVE O'CLOCK!" he whisper-shouted, causing Keith to mumble and roll over. Lance put a hand over his mouth, remembering Shiro's words.

"Wake him up, and you won't sleep for a week."Lance blushed and rubbed his neck. Mumbling curses to Pidge, he slowly got in the bed, taking care not to disturb Keith.

 

*later*

 

Keith stretched, feeling his arm rub against something. "Hmm" Keith froze. Slowly, he looked over. "EEP!" He shrieked, covering his mouth with his hand and staring at Lance. Lance turned over to face Keith and flicked his eyes open, yawning. Keith blushed at how cute Lance looked, then realized he was in his sleepwear, which in this case consisted of boxers and no shirt. He squeaked again, covering himself with the covers as Lance buried his face in the covers. And that's when Hunk walked in.


	2. Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith wakes up to... LANCE!?!? None of the group moves work and Lance and Keith won't talk to each other, but it's not because they're fighting this time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated, and so is constructive criticism :)

Hunk took one glance at the situation and turned around, walking out of the room and trying to forget what he had just seen. The door slid shut just as Keith and Lance looked at each other. Both coloured red with a bright blush.

Keith was the first to unfreeze. "WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM?!?!" He then noticed the blue walls and his blush grew even brighter. "WAIT! WHY AM I IN YOUR ROOM!??!"

Lance flinched from the yelling and rubbed his eyes, still sleepy. "Pidgeons fault." He mumbled out, slowly getting up and walking to the bathroom. Keith heard running water and made his “escape.” He grabbed a blanket, wrapped it around himself, and slipped out of Lance's room.

"Oof!" Keith rubbed his head as he looked up at Shiro, whom he had just run into. "What's the rush?" Shiro asked, offering his hand to Keith, who gladly took it. Keith readjusted the blanket around him and explained how he randomly woke up in Lance's bed, in his boxers. 

"WAIT! I DIDN'T GET DRUNK DID I!?" Keith paled, thinking of what might have happened without him knowing. Shiro sighed and shook his head.

"Go see Pidge." He smiled knowingly, patting Keith's shoulder.

Keith was panting by the time he found Pidge, who was passed out on their project. "Pidge." He poked their shoulder, wondering why the early-bird wasn't getting everyone else up. Pidge slowly opened their eyes, sitting up. Once they saw Keith, they smirked. Keith had his arms crossed and a blush on his face, though it wasn't as bright as it had been earlier. Pidge chuckled, cleaning their glasses. "What happened last night." Keith said, his tone deadly. So much so that Pidge froze and laughed nervously.

Nothing that you're thinking of." They held up their hands, smiling a bit too wide. Keith growled, his face scarily shadowy.

"What. Happened." He demanded. Pidge frowned.

"Do you remember what you were doing last night?" Pidge asked. Keith searched his memory, all he could remember was Lance pinning him down, one way or another...

"Umm." His face was now a blushing mess. "L-lance and I... We didn't.. I mean he, we, umm." Pidge snorted. "

You didn't have sex dummy." Keith froze at the word and Pidge burst out laughing. Keith grumbled.

"Then what  _ did _ happen." He asked. Pidge snickered.

"You and Lance were training and he pinned you and started his victory speech. You were so tired that you fell asleep." Pidge looked Keith straight in the eyes.

"It was pretty cute when he carried you to his room like a princess." They decided to mess with Keith. "And changed you, not that I was there to see it." If Keith was blushing before, he had just become a fire hydrant.

"W-WHAT!?" He yelled before covering his face with his hands.

Later, when they were group training, they found that none of the moves were working. Shiro sighed. "Ten minute break." He shouted, loud enough for all of the paladins to hear.

Lance looked over at Keith. He was sweating from the exercise they had been working on, and he had taken his shirt off.

So Lance, being Lance, walked over and finger-gunned Keith, said "sexy abbs red." and walked away. Keith blushed and put his shirt on. It was hot, but he hadn't noticed Lance walk over and he may have seen... keith shook his head, he figured he had about six minutes left, So he went to the bathroom to have a quick shower.

Lance wondered why Keith had run off so quickly. Was he that annoying? He was just joking. He shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well. If mullet can't take a compliment, that's his problem." He said to no one in particular.

Lance decided to get a shower, not thinking that that was what Keith had run off to do. He stepped in the showers, and walked to the open showers, pulling back the curtain and screeching as Keith turned around to stare at him. Lance quickly closed the curtain and ran to one of the closed of showers instead.

Keith dried off and got dressed, running back to the training area to clear his mind of the little "incident" that had just happened. When Lance came back into the training room, his hair was still wet. Keith marveled at his slicked back, wet hair. Keith looked at him and he felt... something?


	3. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance knows something is up with Keith, but does Keith know what's up with Lance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. Strap your seatbelts on cause this story is gonna be a Bumpy ride.

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, he didn't know what just happened. Maybe he was getting sick, and that's why his stomach felt all weird. Lance looked over and waved, calling out a greeting. Keith turned around and jumped, as Pidge was standing directly in front of him.

"So, have you talked to Lance?" They asked, smirking. Keith blushed and crossed his arms, mumbling "No, why would I." Pidge grabbed Keith's arm and dragged him over to Lance. Keith resisted, but he was still low on sleep. So it was hard to pull against them.

Lance looked over at Pidge, and then saw Keith dragging behind them. Lance made a confused face and asked Pidge what they were doing. Pidge grabbed Keith's shoulders and pushed him into Lance, causing Lance to wrap his arms around Keith to prevent him from falling. Keith yelped and thought he would hit the floor, but instead felt something... warm? And soft? He looked up and gasped quietly, pushing away from Lance.

Lance blushed and rubbed his arm as Keith ran off, probably to his room. Lance glared at Pidge, making them scuttle off into the kitchen to find Hunk. Lance decided to go see if Keith was ok. He went up to his door and knocked, Hearing a gasp and a crash on the other side.

"Woah! Keith are you okay in there?" He half-yelled, knocking again.

When Keith finally opened up the door, his eyes were red and puffy and he was wearing a black long-sleeved sweatshirt. Lance looked down at the red paladin and felt the impulse to give him a hug. So he did.

Keith froze when he felt Lance hug him. Lance accidentally squeezed him a bit too tight and Keith whimpered involuntarily. Lance immediately let go. Keith's eyes flickered to the blue paladin, but he quickly turned around and cleared his throat. "Why did you hug me? I'm fine."He said with a stern voice.

"Are you really ok?" Lance asked. His eyes were soft, but he was looking at Keith's with concern fierce in his eyes. Keith narrowed his eyes and pushed Lance out of his room, closing the door. Heartbroken and in pain, he didn't know what to say. He had always shut people out, so he didn't know what else to do.

Keith slid down the door, putting his head in his hands, silently crying. Lance slowly backed away from the door, lowering his head and walking to what Shiro called the "living room". Later, when Hunk went to get Keith, he said he would eat later. When Hunk announced that at the table, Lance abruptly stood and left the table, saying his stomach was hurting.

Lance knocked on Keith's door, stepping back and looking down. When Keith opened his door, his eyes were soft and sad. But when he saw Lance, his face was void of emotion. "What do you want?" Keith demanded. Lance cleared his throat.

"Could we please, um, talk, alone.. Please?" He mumbled, looking at his feet. Keith tilted his head a little when he heard the emotion in Lance's voice.

Lance looked at Keith slowly. "Do you hate me?" He asked. Keith scowled.

"YOU CAME IN HERE TO MAKE FUN OF ME!? I ACTUALLY TRY TO CARE, A-AND I GET THIS!?" Tears were forming in Keith's eyes now. "I, I try to trust you even when... and-and you-" he broke off, crying. "GET OUT!" He shouted at Lance, pointing towards the door. Lance felt his chest get tighter with every word that Keith yelled at him.

He ran out of the door, speeding to his room and locking the door. He sat in the corner of his bathroom, trying to get his breathing under control. He suddenly realized he heard someone faintly calling his name. His door slid open and Hunk ran in, Hunk asked if Lance was ok and Lance tried to nod, but his breathing was so hard to control that he ended up squeaking and clutching his chest. Lance was seeing spots now, he was dizzy and couldn't hear or see anything clearly. He heard the rumble of an engine, and that's when everything went black.

When Keith heard worried shouting, he peeked his head out of his room. He saw Hunk carrying a shaking Lance and froze. He saw Shiro, Pidge, Coran, and even Allura rushing behind them, they all got in the "Space Car" as it was often referred to by the paladins, and they left.


	4. Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is being rushed to the E.R. and Keith thinks it's his fault. So he visits Lance, and accidentally falls asleep while he's there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. Please tell me if I have made any mistakes in spelling or names or anything else. Thanks for reading~CJ

Keith rushed to his space bike. The others had left so quickly, they had forgotten him. He didn't mind that much though, he needed the time to think. He arrived at the hospital shortly after the others and saw Hunk disappearing around a corner. Once he caught up to them, he gasped and nearly fell to his knees.

Hunk was shaking. Keith saw Lance with an oxygen mask on, being wheeling into a room. He felt his heart break even more. Running out of the hospital before any of the other paladins could see his tears, he went to his room, and stayed there for a long time. Crying his eyes out and blaming himself for hurting Lance.

A few hours later, the other paladins looked towards the door as they heard knocking. Pidge went to the door and was confronted with a very worried looking Keith, holding white Peonies in his hand. Pidge's eyes widened and they let Keith in, motioning for the others to give them some time. The others slowly got up and followed Pidge, all with drooping eyes and sore muscles from sleeping in the hospital chairs and couches.

Keith waited for the door to close and then turned to Lance. "I.." he began, his voice already cracking. "I'm sorry.." he continued, not caring about the tears forming in his eyes. He kneeled by Lance's hospital bed. He pushed up his sleeves and looked down at his arms. "I.. I've been hiding so much. Only thinking about myself. I was s-selfish", tears were streaming down his tired face. "I only c-cared about how bad I was feeling, how much you hated me, h-how much I.." he broke off with a sob. "How much I disappointed everyone."

He laid his head on Lance's stomach and froze when he felt a hand on his head.

He quickly pulled down his sleeves and quieted his sobs, Thinking someone had just walked in when they heard crying. But when he looked up, he saw Lance, with tears like his own, threatening to fall.

Lance had sat up and was wiping his eyes while stroking Keith's head at the same time. Fortunately, Lance hadn't seen Keith's arms, and Keith, sadly, wasn't strong enough yet to confront him about it. "H-how much of that, umm.." he paused. Lance frowned.

"I heard." He stopped, feeling his throat when his voice came out scratchy and sore. "I heard you talking about how everyone hates you, that you disappointed everyone. And then you started crying. D-did you say something else?" He croaked out.

Keith blushed, slightly rubbing his shoulders like he was cold. "N-no. That was about it.." he trailed off.

"About?" Lance asked, knowing Keith had definitely left some details out. Keith rubbed his eyes. The other paladins were back at the base, sleeping probably. And he didn't get any sleep last night. So, without knowing, he rested his head on Lance's stomach, drying his eyes with his jacket. Lance blushed, but didn't move. He had seen Keith's, and the other paladin's, tired faces.

Soon, Keith had fallen asleep, and Lance had moved to carry him.. to the couch? No, too hard. He finally decided it would just be best if Keith layed on the bed. But he was supposed to be in the bed too...

Pidge chuckled, snapping a photo and whisper-calling Allura over to see. There, on the hospital bed, Keith was laying on Lance's stomach, his head rested on Lance's chest. The blue paladin had one arm laying on Keith's back, and he seemed to have fallen asleep with the other hand playing with Keith's hair.

Allura giggled, and closed the door. Pidge clutched the picture to their chest, laughing darkly. Shiro stared back and forth at Pidge and Allura. Allura simply stated that Lance was sleeping and shouldn't be bothered. While Pidge slipped past Shiro, still chuckling lightly.

When Hunk went in later, he was greeted with the same image, save for the fact that now, Lance was twirling Keith's hair, smiling softly with his eyes closed, as though he were still asleep.

Hunk sighed and snapped a photo for Pidge, feeling like it was always him who walked into these situations. Later, when he handed Pidge the photo, they gave Hunk a huge hug and took the photo back into their own room, pinning it on a board of some sort and giggling.


	5. Sleeptalking... or not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one's careful during a fun dream right? Well, especially not Lance, who blabbers on and on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *MENTIONS OF CUTTING AND BLOOD* the last paragraph is detailed and has mentions of the above. I put *** at the beginning and end of the paragraph.

Keith opened his eyes, slowly at first, then they popped open. Lance was asleep... and Keith was laying on him. He stifled a gasp, covering his mouth with his hand. He slowly tried to move, then froze when Lance grunted and put an arm around Keith.

"Mmm five more minutes." Keith smiled as Lance mumbled in his sleep. He rested his chin on Lance's chest and looked at his hair. He always complained about how long Keith's hair was, but his was getting pretty long too. He twirled it around, surprised at how silky it was. "Keith?" Lance asked groggily, stroking Keith's hair. "Mmm I should cut my hair shouldn't I?" Keith was frozen, was Lance actually awake?

"Umm, y-you look fine with longer hair." Keith mumbled. Lance smiled, twirling Keith's hair. "Lance? Are y-you actually umm, awake?"Keith stuttered, wishing for... something, he didn't know exactly what. "If I'm in a dream, isn't that a weird thing to ask?" Lance chuckled, then froze. "Wait..."

He paled, closing his eyes as tightly as he could and pinching himself with his free hand. He sat up, just as Keith was crawling off of him. He barely had time to say "wait!" before Keith was running out the door. The last thing Lance saw was his tears and the door shutting.

He waited for a long time. Not bothering to ring the "assistance" bell. Finally, a nurse came in with a small tray of food. "You only need to stay for a couple hours, since we are doing your routine tests here too." She said cheerily. And then saw his tear-stained face. "What's wrong? If you don't mind telling me." She added after seeing his reluctant face.

"Umm, I'd rather not talk about it. Thanks though." His voice came out slightly wobbly.

"Ok. If you need me, press the button. You should only be here a bit longer, but I'm here if needed, and I'm sure your friends would come if you needed them too." She smiled at the end of her sentence, patting Lance's shoulder and walking out of the room.

Lance looked at the door. He had screwed up any chance he might’ve had with Keith. "Ugh, why do I always mess up?" He felt tears coming to his eyes and wiped them quickly, thinking that he would just sleep through the next few hours until he got to go home. However, as he drifted off to sleep, his head was full of nightmares of rejection, family, and Keith.

Keith locked his door and raced through the mess on his floor to the bathroom. Just as he heard a knock.

"Keith?" It was Shiro. "I left my bayard in here earlier. So I'm gonna come in and get it okay?" Keith closed the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'm in the bathroom. But I haven't cleaned my room yet so.." he heard the door open.

After a few minutes of shuffling around, he heard a relieved sigh and Shiro knocked on the door. "Hey, I found it. You okay in there?" Keith paled and looked at his sink.

"Yeah, I was just getting prepared for a shower and I didn't want to leave you alone if you needed something."

***

"Oh, okay! Well I got it, thanks. Have fun with your shower." Keith heard an awkward chuckle and then his door opening and closing again. He sighed and slid down his bathroom door. "One, two, three, four." He softly sang. Staring at the lines of blood on his arm. And Lance burst through the door

***


	6. Could you please.. erm..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lance finds Keith bloodied up in the bathroom, he knows something's up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *MENTIONS OF CUTTING AND DEPRESSION, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*  
> Also, sorry it's so short. If you have any ideas or constructive criticism please feel free to leave it in the comments.

Keith shrieked as he covered his arm. "Kn-knock you idiot!" He shouted as he rushed to dry his tears, bumping into the sink with his arm and crying out in pain. 

"Keith?" Lance took a step toward Keith and yelped as he stepped on something sharp. Picking up a razor, his heart nearly stopped.

"No no no no no no no!" Keith was rushing around, picking up towels, doing anything to keep his gaze off Lance. "Umm, I was shaving, and I accidentally cut myself, that's all. Now please get out so I can finish shaving." Keith's eyes were welling up with tears now.

Lance cleared his throat, making Keith stop rushing about. "I don't think people lose this much blood from cutting themselves while shaving."

Keith furrowed his eyebrows.

"WELL, MAYBE IF YOU PAID AS MUCH ATTENTION TO ME AS THE OTHER PALADINS YOU WOULD KNOW HOW MUCH I'M HURTING RIGHT NOW!!" Keith covered his mouth, looking down.

"Keith? Could you show me your arms?" Lance felt a tear slide down his face from getting yelled at again by Keith. He wiped it away quickly so Keith wouldn’t see.

"No! Get the hell away from me! You don't know anything! Leave me alone." Lance jumped back as the door closed in his face.

"I know more than you think." Lance mumbled as tears clouded his vision.

"What do you mean?" Keith asked, confused and angry. Lance blinked, surprised, when he realized Keith had heard him.

"I.. umm well, I've... y'know, done umm. Err." Lance tripped over his words. "I umm, I had.. well.. I did that!" he finally blurted out, pointing at Keith’s arm. He rubbed his eyes, swallowing a shriek from the memories that came rushing back to him, some more recent than others.

"You don't act like it." Came Keith's frustrated response from the bathroom. Lance banged his fist on the door, startling Keith.

"Well, I mean.. I'm getting better. So, I know what it's like. Do you think people just walk around screaming 'I have depression! Feel bad for me!' I mean, some people do, but I don't! I didn't want people to know. I'm guessing it's the same for you?" 

Keith was crying now, feeling bad for upsetting Lance. "I-I'm sorry L-lance." He choked out, staring at his arm. "P-please don't.. umm." Lance sighed.

"I won't tell anyone as long as you talk to me, ok?"  

Keith took a deep breath.

"T-that's umm, not what I was going to s-say.."

"Oh, then what were you going to say?" Lance said softly.

 

"Please don't leave me.”


	7. Crushes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance agrees to stay, but Keith starts to leave and he doesn't want him to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is appreciated! Depression is mentioned in this chapter.

Lance was sure he looked like a fire hydrant by now. Keith felt his eyes well up with tears. "N-no. Nevermind." He said, starting to close the door. Lance stuck his foot in the door.  
  
"Wait, Keith." Keith looked up, a tear sliding down his cheek. Lance felt himself reaching out and wiping the tear away, earning a startled look from Keith. He could feel himself blushing, but he didn't move his hand away just yet. "I won't leave. And, umm, I'll try to pay more attention to you if you want.  
  
Keith was a blushing mess from Lance's words and his hand, still resting on his face. He tried putting some words together, but it seemed like his brain had melted into mush. So he ended up half falling, half lunging, into Lance's arms. Wrapping his own arms around Lance, he snuggled his face into the soft fabric of Lance's shirt.  
  
Lance had two feelings then. One; that he was going to explode from all of the contact and feelings. And Two; he felt like he had to take care of the adorable little bean (Keith) clutching onto his shirt. He began to stroke Keith's hair, thoughts of the hospital coming back to his mind. "Keith?" He asked, earning a small grunt.  
  
"What else did you say in the hospital?"  
  
Lance felt Keith tense in his arms. "Umm. I didnt-"  
  
"Please don't lie to me. I said I would pay more attention to you. But for that to work, you kinda need to be willing to open up a bit." Lance spilled out, still stroking Keith's head. He felt Keith bury his face in his shirt.  
  
"I.. I said how I was hiding s-so much. Being selfish for not caring about your f-feelings. I said I was mad at myself for caring o-only about how bad I was feeling. How much you hated me, how much of a... a disappointment I was-" his voice broke, and he let out a quiet sob, his legs starting to give out.  
  
Lance scooped Keith up in his arms, carrying him over to his room, which was right down the hall, and sitting him on his bed. Since his room was cleaner. Keith studied Lance as he sat down beside him. "Keith.." he sighed. "Is this why you never talk to any of us?" Lance questioned, looking Keith in the eyes. Keith looked away, fidgeting with the blanket they were sitting on.  
  
"Maybe." Keith croaked out, his voice soft and sad. Lance gave a groan and flopped backwards onto the bed.  
  
"I can't believe I never noticed how bad you felt." Lance started, his hands covering his face. He splayed his arms out, groaning again. "And to think-" Lance trailed off in a mumble.  
  
"Think what?" Keith asked, tilting his head and making Lance shake his head, mumbling a "no" and rolling onto his side. "I think I deserve to know, after all I just told you." Keith crossed his arms, pouting. Which made Lance cough and blush, turning away.  
  
He covered his face in his hands, nearly muffling his words. "Ask Pidgeon." Keith pulled Lance's hands away from his face, leaning over him. When Lance looked away, he sighed.  
  
"I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed." He started to get up, but Lance grabbed his arm. Keith flinched and bit his lip, causing Lance to immediately let go and stutter out a slur of apologies.  
  
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking and I just didn't want you to leave so I grabbed your arm and I'm really really sorry!" It took Keith a moment to decipher what Lance had said, but when he did, he smiled a crooked smile and blushed.  
  
"Then.. I won't leave." Keith stretched. "But I am tired, so I'll sleep on that chair." He gestured to a blue seat by the corner. He started to walk, then felt strong arms wrap around his waist, pulling him backwards onto the bed. When he looked behind him, he saw Lance with his head pressed against Keith's back.  
  
"No. Stay here."


	8. "You didn't answer my question."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance wonders aloud why Keith has never seeked help. but maybe Keith isn't the only one who needs it.

Keith blushed, looking over at Lance, who was hugging his back. A mop of messy brown curls was all Keith could see as he stuttered out a question. "Here? What do you- wah!" He shrieked as Lance picked Keith up

"Shut up mullet."

Keith turned around and punched Lance's arm lightly as Lance chuckled.

"I do NOT have a mullet! You need to get your eyes checked 'Sharpshooter'" 

Lance perked up at the nickname, a smile tugging at his lips. "Sharpshooter, huh?" Keith blushed, pushing against Lance and standing on his own. 

"Forget I said that..." Keith mumbled, almost so quiet that Lance couldn't hear him.

"Umm.. so I.. Uh, I wanted to see if- er maybe you'd.. Ughh" Lance groaned, flopping back onto the bed while Keith looked at him, confused.

"Umm, what did you just say?" He asked, poking Lance.

Keith’s breath hitched when he saw Lance's face. Eyebrows furrowed, lips turned in a frown, narrowed eyes. Tears pricked his own eyes as he abruptly stood. 

He knew that face. He'd seen it on every foster parent he'd had. Lance wanted him to leave.

Lance looked up when Keith stood. "Hey, you ok? What's up- hey, why are you leaving?!" Lance grabbed Keith's arm and immediately let go, grabbing his shirt instead. He forced Keith to turn around, scared when he saw tears. 

"L-let me go, that's what you want. Please don't make me stay." Keith said all of this in such a monotonous tone, it sounded like an algebra equation he'd been forced to memorize.

"Keith. What the quiznak are you saying? Did I once say that I wanted you to leave?" He forced to red paladin to look at him.

Keith had fallen into his 'routine' already. Tuning out Lance's words. He let Lance finish, then said sorry and left. 

Keith had already started walking towards his room when he felt something, no someone, behind him.

Lance picked up Keith, carrying him to the 'living room'. "Okay Keith, I don't know what's wrong, and I probably sound like a worried parent or something, but will you please tell me what's up?"

Lance looked into Keith's dull eyes, then noticed Keith scratching his injured wrist, causing blood to stain his shirt.

Lance grabbed Keith's hand and pulled him to the bathroom. Sitting him on the counter, he carefully washed Keith's arm with a rag. 

Keith snapped out of his 'routine' once he felt the sting of cold water on his skin.

"Please stop..." Came the quiet whisper of Lance. "I want to help, and honestly I'm confused no one else has. Have you ever talked to the other paladins about this?" Lance looked at Keith's arm sadly.

Keith watched as Lance bandaged his arm quickly and easily.

"Why are you so good at that?" Keith asked, too tired to think his words through before he said them.

Lance was shocked by the question. Keith hadn't said anything about his scars, self-harm or bandaging since Lance had found him in the bathroom.

"Sorry. Nevermind." Keith mumbled when Lance didn't answer. Causing Lance to stutter an apology.

"N-no, I didn't.. I wasn't.. I mean.." He shook his head. "Let me start over."

"I was just shocked you asked. I thought you didn't like talking about.." He again gestured to Keith's arm.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stay quiet."

"and you didn't answer my question." Lance smiled weakly.

Keith sighed and hesitantly answered. "Shiro almost figured out once. I'm surprised Pidge doesn't know. Hunk just focuses on getting me to eat, and Allura and Coran don't know. I can keep secrets."

With every name Keith listed, Lance felt more and more guilt pile up for not noticing something was wrong with Keith.

"What about me?" Lance asked cautiously, not quite sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Keith hesitated. Looking morosely at the tile flooring.

"You were always talking and flirting with everyone else. Whenever I tried to talk to you, we always ended up arguing."

Lance hung his head, preparing himself to ramble on about how sorry he was and how he was an idiot. Then Keith continued.

"But I saw me in you.. I saw your tears when you saw my painting in the garden."

 

*Flashback*

The paladins walked into the space garden where Shiro had found a painting on one of the walls.

The painting was of eyes. Large, sorrowful eyes that seemed to hold the entirety of the Caribbean Sea in them.

Several of the group took pictures and 'oohed' and 'ahhed'.

Lance, however, gazed longingly at the picture. It was almost as if the painting was of him.

Keith watched from further off. He had painted the eyes himself, and had also seen Lance's own eyes tear up

 

*End of flashback*

 

"I've heard your cries, a-and I saw you walking around at night when I did too. All of the "strange" things I saw you do; the crying, the walking, the distancing. I've done all of that. It felt like..." Keith trailed off.

Lance was still processing what all Keith had said. Yet Keith somehow found the courage to go on.

"It felt like I could trust you. Though by then all we ever did was fight so.."

Lance looked up at Keith with tears in his eyes.

"You.. saw me? No one ever sees those... moments." Lance choked out. Tears threatened to fall and he stood up.

"Hey buddy, it's late. We have training tomorrow and we need to sleep. 'kay?" Lance choked oup. Keith nodded and scooted down off of the counter.

Keith briefly explained he would sleep in his room, so Shiro wouldn't freak out when he came to check on him.

After a short, awkward "Goodnight" Keith went to his room.

As Keith laid in his bed, he whispered one last thing before he drifted into peaceful sleep.

"You didn't answer my question."


	9. Chapter 9: Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith’s nightmares come often, and he’s given up looking for the good dreams but the daydream is right in front of him. And Lance has only known dark nights... Hopefully he could find some light that wasn’t fake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yay :) I dedicate this chapter to CourtNicxVoltronxYJ for the encouragement and appreciation of my story. Thank you :)

Nightmares are the only things that had been filling Keith’s tired mind since he lost himself in his head.  _ However, tonight was different. It was soft, not like the harsh thoughts that usually filled his subconscious mind, this was quiet. The dream started out in a training center, the way a lot of his nightmares usually did, but as he slowly looked around, nothing popped out at him, nothing screeched his name, nothing pulled at him until he couldn’t breathe. Instead, there was Lance. _

_ He stood facing away from Keith, Keith cocked his head to the side, Lance wasn’t doing anything. The Lance he knew would either be bouncing off the walls or, he sadly realized, flirting with girls. Keith raised his head, realizing he’d let it fall in disappointment. Wait… Disappointment? Why? When he looked back in Lance’s direction, Lance was facing him, a sad smile on his face. Keith hated that smile. He’d seen it once, when they had gone as a group to a planet similar to Earth, there was an ocean seeming to reflect in Lance’s eyes, or maybe it was the other way around. His eyes contained the ocean. Yes, that was it, Lance must have the ocean in his heart, that’s why so much shows in his eyes. His eyes focused away from the memory and Lance was now only a few feet away from him. “I’m sorry Lance. I expect too much…” Lance was gone. Keith looked around, panicked. How would he just vanish like that? _

  
  


Keith woke up with a start, his heart was pounding like it did after all of his dreams, but this was a different kind of heartbeat. Keith felt his eyes well with tears. “Don’t go Lance”

 

He stood up and made his way to the door, he was too tired and shaken up to get dressed, so he pulled a blanket over his shoulders and left his room. He didn’t know where he was going, he just needed to clear his mind. “Too much is going on. It hurts-“ He paused outside of Lance’s room. With his eyes full of tears, he slid down the wall next to the door. Keith laid his head on his arm, which rested on his knees. He tried to stay quiet, but tears are a force of nature, so he ended up crying anyway.

 

Keith sat there for a while, not bothering to listen out for people, not bothering to be alert, not caring what would happen, not hearing Lance’s door slide open, not seeing his shocked face.

 

“Keith?” Lance kneeled down beside Keith’s shaking figure. Keith was unresponsive, his tired mind unable to comprehend the situation. Keith was still shaking when Lance picked him up and took him inside the room, away from any prying eyes that might be out late…  _ “or early”  _ Lance thought, looking at the clock that read 2:00 AM. He looked down at the mess in his arms, Keith was sitting on Lance while Lance sat in the bed. Keith crawled off of Lance and tried to slide off of the bed, but his shaking nearly made him fall. Lance reached out and caught Keith by the wrist, causing him to cry out. Lance apologized, but Keith just sat still, his eyes finally clearing, as well as his groggy mind.

 

“Don’t leave Lance.” Keith whispered. Lance looked at Keith, who was starting to shiver again. He pulled him to his chest, resting his chin on The top of Keith’s head.

 

“Bad dream?” Lance asked, he sighed when Keith nodded against him. “Are you cold?” Lance asked. Keith hesitated, then nodded again. Lance murmured a soothing sound while he slowly slid Keith onto the bed. Lance got up and got his jacket from on top of his dresser, he didn’t want to make a bunch of noise opening the drawers or going through the closet for a better fitting shirt. He figured it would do for now. He went back to the shivering Keith and pulled the jacket around Keith’s bare shoulders. Keith looked down and pulled his arms through the jacket, avoiding Lance’s gaze. Keith heard a soft sniffle and looked up. Lance saw Keith’s eyes on him and hurriedly wipes his eyes. “S-sorry you just really scared me- I thought I heard something outside so I thought I’d look- a-and you were there and you wouldn’t talk and you were shaking and I was freaking out and youcantdothattosomeonewholovesyoudammitKeith.”

 

((Translation: you can’t do that to someone who loves you dammit Keith))

 

Keith looked at his hands in his lap. Slowly, the words began to click. Keith looked at Lance.

 

A blush had begun to spread on Lance’s face, carefully covering him in a light, rosy dusting. He tried to stutter out an explanation. “I mean… I was trying to say… as two paladins… friends… I. Dammit Keith you scared the hell out of me!” Lance bent over and hugged Keith, his emotions pouring out through his tears. Keith sat still, his eyes sad and guilty.

 

“I’m sorry Lance, I didn’t mean to-“

 

“Shut up mullet.”


	10. Chapter 10: Don't Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy

Lance thought Keith would push away, but he just sat there. When Lance looked back up, Keith was rubbing at his eyes, letting out soft sobs. “I didn’t mean to. Honest! I don’t know why I’m this way.” Keith began to number on his fingers.

 

“I’m sorry I don’t talk. I’m sorry I never told. I’m sorry I’m this way. I’m sorry my parents didn’t want me. I’m sorry I’m here. I’m sorry I got chosen as best pilot before you. I’m sorry I dropped out. I’m sorry I saved Shiro. I’m sorry I’m Galra. I’m sorry my parents were ashamed of me. I’m sorry I’m different. I’m sorry I like boys. I’m sorry-“ He ended with a warbled cough, his breath coming in raggedly.

 

Realizing what he’d just said, Keith froze. He looked at Lance, surely he would tell the whole crew. Soon they’d all know. _What have I done?_ Keith stood and sank to his knees. “I’m sorry”

 

Lance just looked at Keith. _If only he knew what my family said when…_ “Keith, do you still remember your family?”

 

Keith didn’t look up. “My parents dropped me off at an orphanage at the first chance they got.” His voice was low, taking on a baritone effect. It was bone rattling to Lance.

 

Keith looked up slightly. “Do you remember yours?”

 

In spite of the heavy mist of sadness and loss, Lance smiled. “Yeah… All 18 of la idiotas.” Lance laughed. Keith tried to smile. He was happy for Lance but still too sobered to laugh. Lance sighed and sat beside Keith. “It’s okay to laugh. And it’s okay to cry. I’ll be here for both of those times. And if you’re angry, I’ll try to listen. But please, don’t fake a smile for me. Please-“

 

Lance cut himself short when he felt Keith’s hand grab his gently. He realized he was starting to breathe heavily, so he leaned over into Keith and took deep breaths. Keith rested his head on Lance’s and smiled, but it was a true smile this time.

 

Lance brought Keith’s hand to his lips, gently kissing the soft skin. Lance felt Keith tighten up, but Keith only buried his head in Lance’s shoulder. “Why are you like this Lance.” Lance chuckled and Keith responded with a small smile too. Soon, after a show of who could make the funniest (or dirtiest) joke, the two paladins were cackling.

 

Keith fell back on the bed, tears stinging his smiling eyes. Lance looked over and flopped on top of Keith, earning a startled grunt from below him, then they started laughing again. Lance quieted himself and laid a finger on Keith’s lips, whispering about how loud he was at night, which caused Keith to laugh harder.

 

“There’s no way to shut me up now!” Keith accused of Lance, now he could feel his sides hurting, yet couldn’t stop the giggles.

 

“I doubt that.” Lance said with a smirk. Keith laughed more.

 

“What’re you going to do? Fight me?”

 

“No.”

 

Then Keith had his first kiss.


	11. Chapter 11: Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was fast. Sorry if they're short. Also, sorry in advance.

Lance pulled back slowly, his heart racing from nerves and his stomach in knots. Keith’s laugh was gone. He was blushing and slowly reaching up to touch his lips. Lance nearly started to hyperventilate, but then Keith began to smile. The corners of his mouth twitching up ever so slowly. Lance breathed out a sigh of relief. Keith looked into Lance’s eyes.

 

“Why’d you sigh?” Keith asked, his smile lowering a bit.

 

Lance stuttered a bit, “N-no I was just umm I was n-nervous and y-you weren’t uh responding and I thought I’d m-messed up? Umm and I-“ Lance was cut off with Keith’s lips on his once more. He melted into the kiss, feeling Keith’s smile against his own. Lance wrapped his arms around Keith while Keith pulled back and rested his head on Lance’s chest. Hearing Lance’s sporadic heartbeat, Keith giggled.

 

“Nervous huh?” He felt Lance put his chin on His head.

 

“You bet your mullet I am.” There was no interruption. Keith sucked in a sharp breath.

 

“Why couldn’t I have found you sooner?” He asked, sitting up to face Lance. He then looked away and crossing his arms. “It’s not fair. When I finally did find you, you were a crabby monster.” Lance smiled, turning Keith to face him. Lance kissed Keith’s nose.

 

Keith blushed and Lance pulled his jacket hoodie over the black-haired boy. Keith turned around so that his back was to Lance’s stomach. “You keep making fun of me. Stupid Sharpshooter.” Lance giggled when Keith rested against him.

 

“You’re so small.” Lance cooed at Keith, wrapping his arms around Keith once more. “You remind me of… Hey promise you won’t take offense. I don’t mean any.” Lance looked down at Keith. Keith shrugged.

 

“Don’t say anything offensive then.” Keith replied with a small smile. Lance grumbled.

 

“You remind me of a cat. Y’know, how you try to pet one and it ends up biting you, but if you wait and let them be, they might just warm up to you. I know I’m really loud and a bit abrasive, but I’m glad you came over to me. Even though, even though the circumstances.. y’know…” Lance shifted Keith around so he was facing him.

 

“So I’m a small, lazy creature that pukes hairballs everywhere?” Keith teased, poking at Lance’s face.

 

“That’s not what I- did you listen to me at all?” Lance started laughing and laid back, pulling Keith with him so they were lying chest to chest. Keith propped himself up, looking down at Lance with tired eyes.

 

“What time is it?” Keith asked, and Lance pulled out his phone (Pidge had wired it to work in certain atmospheric conditions. But he still had no use of Google.) and checked the time. Keith looked up again and Lance sneakily snapped a photo, his phone making the generic  _ ‘click’ _ sound. Keith sat up quickly and reached for the phone, sending both of the boys toppling over the edge of the bed. Lance landed on top of Keith this time, but Keith was still reaching for the phone. Lance dangled it slightly out of Keith’s reach.

 

Instead of making a fool of himself, Keith decided to take a short-cut. He smirked and put his hands on Lance’s stomach, slowly inching them up to his chest, then his face, then he pulled the dazed-looking Lance down to him, kissing him hard. With the phone forgotten by Lance, Keith snatched it up, still kissing Lance. Then he moved his lips to Lance’s cheek, holding up the phone.

 

“Can’t I just have one photo?” Lance whined, pouting and reaching for the phone. Keith rolled his eyes. Setting a 10 second countdown, Keith laid the camera on Lance’s dresser. He then walked up to Lance and grabbed his shirt, pulling him into a kiss right as the camera  _ ‘clicked’ _ .


	12. Chapter 12: Seeing Stars

In the morning, Lance and Keith were sleeping on the couch in the “living room” area of the castle. Soon, a rustle was heard and Hunk walked in sleepily, followed closely by Pidge. When Hunk saw the scene on the couch, he slowly smiled, pulled Pidge over, and pointed at the two. Pidge quietly ‘ _ aww’ _ ed and took a photo. Hunk looked strangely at Pidge, still not understanding their obsession.

 

Pidge shrugged and shoved Hunk out of the room, putting their finger to their lips. Then they walked over to the couple, setting a 30 second alarm to wake them up when Pidge was out of the room.

 

Keith rubbed his eyes, hearing the slow piano sound coming from Lance’s phone. He picked it up and saw the alarm, turning it off and slowly crawling off of Lance. 

 

This time, Lance didn’t wake, he just mumbled a bit and rolled over. Keith smiled at the boy and cautiously looked down at his arms. He knew that sometimes he scratched his arms in his sleep, but to his surprise, there was no blood, though there was a bit of stinging. Keith retreated to his room to clean the wounds.

 

When Lance woke up, he noticed the lack of weight before he opened his eyes. Yawning, he sat up and looked around. Pidge was working at their computer. Still being half asleep, Lance asked them a question.

 

“Do you know where Keith is, Pidge?”

 

Pidge looked over, smiled, and pointed in the direction of Keith’s room. “I think he’s taking a shower.” Lance thanked them and went to the kitchen to see if Hunk was cooking. Of course, there he was, ready with a plate for Lance in two seconds flat. Lance smiled a genuine smile and Hunk felt himself smile as well.

 

“What’s got you so happy this morning Lance? Did you get to do an extra face cleansing.” This reminded Lance that he didn’t even do one face cleanse, but he didn’t care.

 

“Nah, I’m just happy. It’s a good morning.” Lance answered. He finished his meal, a scrumptious mix that Hunk had just whipped up, and headed to his room for a shower. He was about to go in when he felt a tentative tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw a wet-haired Keith.

 

“What, you’re gonna be shy now?” Lance chuckled. He grabbed Keith’s shirt and pulled him into his room, kissing him and wrapping his arms around the petite boy. Keith looked up and smiled at Lance, causing the blue paladin to blush and kiss Keith again. Keith scrunched up his nose.

 

“You’re really affectionate huh?” Keith said, Lance paused, tilting his head.

 

“Do you not like that?” Lance asked, worry on his face.

 

Keith pushed Lance onto the bed and sat on his lap, kissing him so hard they both saw stars. “I love it.”

 

Lance grinned. “Good. Because I’m going to have to kiss you all the time to make sure I’m not dreaming ok?” Keith giggled as Lance trailed kisses along his neck and collarbone.

 

“Let's start with a first date, then you can see if I’ll let you hold my hand.” Keith stood off of Lance and winked, heading to the door. Lance furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“Wait what? You want me to ask you out? Keith come back. Keith!” Lance sighed, lying back on the bed and groaning. “Just like a cat!”

 

Outside the door, Keith struggled to contain a laugh, then slowly walked to the kitchen for breakfast, yawning and hearing his stomach growl. Hunk smiled when Keith walked in and Keith stretched. “What’s for breakfast Hunk?” He inquired, peering over his friend’s shoulder. Hunk turned around and hugged Keith, who stiffened slightly and chuckled awkwardly. “What’s this about?” He asked quietly.

 

“You just looked happier this morning so I thought it’d be safe enough to attempt a hug without getting punched.” Keith frowned.

 

“Am I normally like that?” He asked, a familiar weight falling on his chest. His hand itched to scratch. Hunk held up his hands.

 

“N-no you just.. You’re really… intimidating. Y’know? You’re really strong and independent and… kinda scary.” Hunk laughed, but when he looked around, Keith was gone. He sighed, glad he wouldn’t have to explain anymore. Hunk loved Keith, he was just difficult sometimes, he couldn’t understand why Keith kept to himself so much.

 

Lance found Keith disappearing into his room right as he was coming out. He followed into the open door and saw Keith collapse onto his bed, laying against the pillow and wiping away tears. Lance looked down slightly and saw that he was scratching himself. He shut the door and hurried to Keith, grabbing his hands and pulling him into his embrace. He felt Keith try to pull away, but he held on. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, even if Keith hated him for it. “C’mon. Let’s go clean your arms.” Lance gently led Keith to his bathroom, sitting on the cold tile with him. Keith tried to scratch again, but Lance grabbed his hands, even when Keith let out an agonized scream. Lance knew the scream had more to do with internal conflict than with the pain in his wrists.

 

After a while of silence and tears, Keith had stopped crying and his face was angry, but sad. “He lied to me. He said I was just intimidating, but it’s because I’m the loner. He doesn’t like me. None of you really think I’m one of you. I’m not one of you. Not really.” Keith turned away. “I’m sorry you keep getting dragged into this.” Lance grabbed Keith’s shoulders.

 

“Don’t. You. Dare. Don’t ever say that! I know how you feel and it sucks so bad. I know that sometimes it’s more tiring than painful, it feels like it just goes on and on, even when you feel happy. But don’t you dare apologize to me for me caring. I want to care. I love you Keith, I care too much sometimes. I should apologize for always looking out for you, always being on your ass about eating, even when it seems like I’m being an ass. Remember that?” Keith nodded. 

 

Earlier that year, Lance was always getting on Keith’s case. He would randomly walk up and say to Keith; “I bet I ate more than you skinny-boy!” Keith would flip him off and retreat into his room, but not after saying “probably.”

 

Keith tried to stand up, pushing Lance away gently. “Thank you Lance, I know I say I don’t need you guys… but I- I really do. I’m sorry, Hunk made some drinks and they’re really good. Could you go get me one? It might count as half of a date.” Lance smiled at this and nodded, rushing away from Keith, whose face fell as soon as the boy left. He closed the door and climbed into the small elevator in his room. It led down to the pool.

 

“Let’s go see the stars, mom.”


	13. Chapter 13: Attempted, Found, But Not Really Seen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the chapters are really short, so I'm posting a few to make up for it.

Keith walked out of the elevator still dressed in his normal clothes. He didn’t bother with a note, it would exploit the lies he’d been telling Lance and everyone else for the past two weeks. Keith tried to remember what he felt when Lance kissed him, and felt a spark of fire somewhere in him, but it was quickly drowned out by a wave of ice-cold anticipation. Keith walked up to the pool’s edge. Feeling the water with his toes, he realized some things.

 

Lance was never trying to help him, he just wanted pleasure for his own horny, teenage self. Hunk thought of him as a secluded beast and only used him for food-testing. Pidge made fun of him all the time. Shiro had been ignoring him as of late, probably because of all the questions he asked. Coran had never paid him much attention from the start. And Allura hated his Galra guts anyway. That and his family was gone, and no foster parent had ever kept him for longer than a month, he could feel all of that pain very clearly. 

 

Keith didn’t let himself think anymore. He hardly heard the splash when he jumped into the deep end, slowly sinking to the bottom. Then he proceeded to lazily blow out all of the air in his lungs. With a final shocking thought, he remembered admitting an embarrassing fact to his fellow classmates in a game of truth-or-dare in 8th grade.

 

“I can’t swim.”

 

He was out of air, his lungs burned. Then, a figure entered the water, swimming slowly and easily towards him. Without even seeing her face, he knew it was his mom. He stood up slowly, surprised at how light he felt, and swam over to his mom. She began to pull him into a warm embrace when Keith felt something stabbing his back, pulling him away from his mom. He cried out “Momma! Momma please, don’t leave again!” But she just kissed him on the forehead.

 

“Please know I love you, my darling Keith.”

 

Then she was gone, and Keith’s world went black, along with his thoughts. A cold, dead smile glanced along his lips before his face became void of emotion.

  
  
  


Lance had been attempting CPR for at least 30 minutes. Pidge was sobbing over their computer, trying to enhance the healing pod to accommodate Keith. Shiro’s world would come crashing down when he got back to the palace. Hunk was leaning against the wall, emotionless and pale. Allura and Coran were with Shiro as well, and both of their worlds would be severely affected if he didn’t wake up.. wake up… wake up..

 

“WAKE UP DAMMIT!!” Lance pushed Keith’s chest down again, crying rivers of salt that added to the water covering Keith. “KEITH IF YOU DON’T WAKE THE HELL UP.. I’LL… I’LL.. I don’t know… That’s why you need to f—king wake up already!!!” This caused Pidge to sob even harder and run to their room. Hunk followed, unable to comfort himself, but hoping to busy himself helping Pidge.

 

Lance had never cried so much in his life. He was sweating profusely and his hair was stuck to his forehead. His red eyes blurred the room, ridding sight of everything except Keith. Keith was beautiful, Lance hated to admit it, but Keith looked so peaceful, he almost let him go.

 

“You know what Keith?” Lance asked the unresponsive body, his breath coming out ragged. “I’m going to be a little selfish right now. Okay? I need you to live, so I’m going to work my ass off to make sure that happens. I will not let you die, for the stupidly selfish reason that I-“ A short sob. “I f—king love you Keith.”

 

Keith showed no signs of ever hearing Lance’s words. Lance faltered, beginning to lose any hope he may have started with. “Keith, buddy, please… don’t leave me.” Lance stopped pressing down in the boy’s chest. Keith laid there, still. Five minutes passed. Lance thought the water looked pretty inviting by now.


	14. Chapter 14: Coughing Up Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only

Lance stared at the water, the cold pool as inviting to him as it was to Keith.

 

Keith coughed… and coughed… and coughed…

 

Lance sobbed once more, rolling Keith on his side and gripping him so tightly he almost ripped Keith’s shirt. Keith choked out what seemed like gallons of water. He reached out shakily for a hand and found Lance’s.

 

“I’m sorry Lance.” It was spoken in a whisper. Hunk carried Keith to the car, Lance holding the trembling survivor’s hand the whole time. When they eventually got to the hospital, Keith was sitting with Lance and holding his shoulders weakly, while Lance held on gently, but firmly.

 

The doctor accepted the shaking patient into the room with sad eyes. She went to work immediately. Checking Keith from head to toe for signs of anything. She stuck her head into the waiting room, where Lance, Hunk, and Pidge we’re forced to remain, this didn’t go by Lance without a fight however, and the doctor eyed him cautiously. “Are there any relatives here? Anyone of relation or relationship to him?” Lance stood up.

 

“I’m his boyfriend.” He stated sadly, following the doctor’s gesture to enter the room. Lance hated hospitals, he always had.

 

When Lance entered the room where Keith was being held, he saw Keith resting, but he knew there had to be more. The doctor quietly went over the specifics, asking what had happened. Lance did not want any pity looks, so he limply stated that he had somehow fallen into the pool and had never learned how to swim. And if the doctor thought lies were exchanged, she said nothing. Lance saw Keith stir in the background and rushed over to him.

 

“There’s nothing we can do for him here, and we need all the beds we can get as of right now. There’s a sickness going around. So I’m afraid you’ll have to take him home. Just… keep a close eye on him.”

 

Lance turned away from the doctor. “You don’t think I tried?”

  
  


Later, when Keith was safely in the bed and Shiro, Allura, and Coran had quietly sobbed by Keith’s bedside, Lance walked in with some tea. He knelt beside Keith and spooned some into his mouth, carefully watching Keith’s Addams apple to see if he was in pain when he swallowed. Which, of course, he was. Keith’s tears trickled toward his chin slowly and silently, and Lance heard three simple words.

 

“Thank you Lance.” This was followed by Keith reaching to touch Lance’s lips, then reaching to touch his own. Lance smiled and leaned down, gently kissing Keith. He tried to pull away, but Keith fastened his hand on the back of Lance’s head and looked him in the eyes. Keith patted the empty spot on the bed beside him and Lance carefully climbed onto the bed, lying beside Keith and slowly kissing him again. Soon, the pair fell asleep facing each other, with Lance holding Keith, who was curled up into his chest. There were no tears, there were no apologies. Lance made a vow in the quiet, night air just before he fell asleep.

 

Tomorrow, he was going to gather up the nerve to ask Keith Kogane out to dinner. The night was undisturbed, and the duo slept in peace while the others rested with one thought in mind. “Keith is alive, it’s ok.”


	15. Ribs or Sandwiches?

Keith woke up to Lance snuggling him. He smiled, and for the first time since he saw his mom, he was glad he had woken up. He still felt the stinging in his chest when he breathed, and his throat was rubbed raw. But Lance was there. Keith still wasn’t sure about the other paladins, he hadn’t seen them yet, but he knew how messed up Lance had been when Keith woke up, and he knew the others loved Lance. So he could safely assume they were worried, even if only for Lance’s sake.

 

Keith curled father into Lance’s embrace. The paladin was warm to his heart and he felt that it might burst from the mood swings. He chuckled to himself. ‘ _ Some pretty major mood swings _ ’ he thought to himself before scooting up to where he was facing Lance. He slowly, because he was in pain and because Lance was asleep, crawled on top of Lance and rested his head on Lance’s chest, feeling the deep breaths and slow, steady heartbeat of the blue paladin. Keith nearly jumped out of his skin when Lance put his arms around him, but then he smiled, he wasn’t sure if Lance was awake, but he stated something anyway.

 

“You smell good Lance.” Keith felt Lance chuckle and reply:

 

“You smell good too, and I must say. You look pretty fine.” Keith and Lance laughed together, both feeling light hearted despite what had happened the day before.

 

“Hey Keith?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You’re a dumbass.”

 

“I try..”

 

Lance stroked Keith’s hair. “But really, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you really scared me Keith. I mean… you died. And I just.. I can’t be there for you, listen to you, help you, if you’re dead.”

 

Keith sighed. “I regret it. But.. I don’t know, it was scary. I wasn’t in control over my mind, it was- it was so much worse than normal. Lance, if this keeps getting worse I don’t know what I’ll do.” Keith snuggled farther into Lance’s shirt. Finally, he admitted the one thing he’d never said to anyone, the one thing he vowed he’d never say.

 

“Lance?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m scared.”

 

Lance held Keith a little tighter, sending a reassuring murmur that, no matter what, he’d be there. And then, after a pause.

 

“You know… I’m scared too.” Keith sighed a long-lasting sigh, relieving all that needed to be said. And the conversation was over.

 

“Hey Keith.” Lance began in a teasing tone.

 

Keith internally groaned. “What?”

 

“I didn’t know you were interested in being a top, I took you for more of a bottom person.” Lance winked and Keith tried to nonchalantly roll his eyes, but he couldn’t hide the blush creeping up his face. Lance suddenly lit up. “Oh yeah! Keith?”

 

Keith groaned aloud this time. “Please no more jokes.” He laughed out exaggeratedly. Lance smiled and slowly sat up, shaking his head.

 

“Would you like to go out for dinner sometime? There’s this new chef here and I’ve heard he makes some pretty tasty stuff.” Keith smiled.

 

“You cheesy idiot.” Keith pretended to seem doubtful. “Well, I guess I don’t have anything better to do.” He concluded. Lance just grinned and kissed Keith’s forehead. “Nuh-uh. I just accepted your date request, you can’t kiss me yet.” Keith stuck out his tongue and Lance laughed, rolling Keith gently off of him. Keith grimaced, but once he was laying flat on the bed he looked at lance. “So where are you gonna take me cutie?” Lance blushed and shook his head.

 

“It’s a surprise.” Lance stood and walked to the bathroom, turning on the water for the shower and singing loud enough for Keith to hear. Keith was glad for the singing, the sound of the water was a bit unnerving so soon after- he cut his thought short however, so they wouldn’t overtake him once more. Keith saw Lance’s jacket laying on a chair positioned by his bed and stood slowly to go fetch it. He retreated back to the bed and put it on, relishing the scent of Lance and the comfort it brought him.

 

When Lance was done with his shower, he found that Keith had fallen back asleep. He blushed when he saw the paladin wearing his jacket and leaned in to kiss him awake, then remembered Keith’s “rules of dating.” And pulled back, he let Keith sleep and went into the kitchen to discuss food for the date with Hunk.

 

_ Keith dreamt underwater, which unsettled him, but was also comforting. He saw Lance swimming beautifully and paddled awkwardly over to him, tapping his shoulder. Lance turned around and saw Keith, then took his hands and they swam in circles until Lance swooped in for a kiss. It was strong, yet gentle. Keith started to feel himself sink, but Lance held firmly to they boy, also keeping a firm hold on his heart, which Keith didn’t think he’d ever let go. Then Keith dove underwater and Lance followed, they swam close in the beautiful sea, looking in wonder at the sights and creatures.  _ Keith was somewhat disappointed when he woke up, but then he realized that his dream-disruptor was none other than Lance. Who was handing him a card. Keith took the card and Lance dashed from the room. Keith laughed, Lance ran in a funny way.

 

*Note 1*

 

_ “Meet me by the place we last fought. I promise I won’t put up a struggle this time ;) I hope I don’t put you to sleep this time.” _

  
  


Keith smiled as he read the card. He cautiously sat up, wincing slightly at the chest-pains. He stood and sighed, making his way to the entrance. Keith found his way to the workout 

area and saw a similar looking blue note laying on the ground. He bent slowly to pick it up and smiled at the shaky handwriting.

  
  


Note 2:

_ “I might not be a doctor, but baby I know CPR ;) Pidge probably knows more medical procedures than me” _

Keith laughed out loud at the joke, Lance must’ve known about how far he could push the situation to turn it into a joke. Then Keith blushed at the thought of Lance’s mouth on his once more. He headed to Pidge’s lab and looked at the strewn papers and supplies. Pidge was asleep and a paper was resting on their head. It was a well known fact that Pidge never snored or moved while they slept. Lance must have been glad for this fact. Keith lightly snatched the note and chuckled when Pidge scrunched their nose up, nearly waking up. Keith slipped into the hallway to read the paper.

  
  


Note 3:

_ “Come see the stars with me Keith.” _

  
  


Keith wandered through the winding hallways, instinctively heading to the place he knew Lance would be waiting. He entered the glass room and saw Lance by the small pond, kicking his feet in the water. Keith sat beside Lance and looked at him in question. Lance, when he noticed Keith had come, jumped up and stuttered immediately.

“You came!! Oh ok, umm sit there and… sit I’ll.. I’ll be right back!” Keith smiled and bit back a laugh as Lance scrambled out of the room. Shortly after, he rushed back in and cleared his throat. Keith turned around and quietly gasped, a blush spreading on the pale boy’s face. Lance was carrying a picnic basket and had a bouquet of flowers in his arms. Keith stood and walked, awestruck, to the nervous Lance. Lance handed Keith the flowers, a gorgeous arrangement of lilacs and peonies, mixed with lilies and violets.

Keith’s eyes seemed to sparkle when Lance laid down a blanket and sat down the basket, gesturing for Keith to sit, when he did, Lance did so as well.

Keith laughed as Lance pulled out two sandwiches, causing Lance to pause.

“What? Did I do something funny?” Lance inquired, flustered by the sudden laugh. Keith shook his head.

“No, I’m just really… surprised I guess. I’ve never done this before.” Keith accepted the sandwich and crossed his legs, smiling sheepishly at Lance. Lance gaped at Keith.

  
“Wait, wait, wait… You have never…  _ Never  _ been on a date before?” Lance asked incredulously. Lance s

mirked and grabbed Keith’s hand, kissing it softly. “Well I’m glad to be your first.” Lance said as he winked. Keith turned a lovely shade of red and looked away.

Lance noticed that, even though Keith's Face was turned, he hadn’t pulled his hand away yet. Lance studied Keith’s hand, he had slim fingers and very small hands. Keith snuck a peek when he felt his face cool down. He pulled his hand away and rubbed his neck shyly. Lance busied himself with pulling out the rest of the food he and Hunk had packed.

Keith stared at the bouquet of flowers beside his leg. He smiled and picked them up, feeling the soft petals and smelling the calming fragrances. He allowed himself to relax and breathe in the scene. “Lance, what do people do when they go on a date?” Keith asked calmly.

Lance looked up from the box he’d been rummaging in and cleared his throat. “Well, I’m no expert-“ Keith laughed at this. “Hey! It’s true, I’ve only been on one date and… well it wasn’t anywhere near as good as this one.” Keith tilted his head.

“But the date’s barely begun. How is it better?” Keith stuttered out. Lance cringed as the memory came back and Keith wished he’d stayed quiet. Keith began to apologize but Lance quickly stopped him.

“No it’s fine, really. The guy who asked me out was just looking for… trouble. He wanted… my body.” Keith stared wide eyed at Lance, his skin beginning to prickle with anger.

“What kind of idiot. If I could find him I swear-“ Keith stopped when he felt Lance’s hand on his arm.

“It’s fine, he didn’t touch me. Like I said, this date’s already better. I think I’ll refer to this as my first date from now on.” Lance declares, a goofy smile on his face.

Keith, sadly smiling responded, “Until I mess this one up.”

Lance frowned. “Nope, you’re going to have fun. I promise. Please? Here.. umm..” Lance turned around and dig into the basket again. “I packed something for you. But you have to close your eyes.” Lance said in a mysterious voice. Keith raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told. He expected Lance to hand him some food or maybe a drink. When Keith felt something on his head, he flinched, but settled down quickly and waited for Lance to give him his cue.

“Alright, you can open them now!” Lance cheered. When Keith opened his eyes, Lance was holding a mirror in front of him. He looked to his head and gasped, smiling so wide Lance thought he’d end up like joker. Keith brought his hands to the beautiful flower crown and stroked the leaves and flowers, smiling all the while. Lance put down the mirror and moved himself to sit in front of Keith. “-tiful.” Lance mumbled out. Keith was confused.

“What did you say?” Keith inquired, wondering what else was in the basket.

“You’re beautiful.” Lance clearly stated, reaching out for Keith’s hand. He pulled Keith up and took the crown off of his head, placing it on the basket. “We should keep this safe.” Lance stated matter-of-factory. Keith began to ask why when Lance tugged him down the hallway, beginning to run. Keith was surprised, but he kept up evenly with Lance, wondering where they could be headed.

Lance stopped in front of the room where the lions were kept. The door opened at the touch of a hand and revealed the exquisite lionesses. Lance walked over to his lion, Blue, and approaches her fondly, putting a hand on her nose. What he said brought Lance to tears.

“Okay Blue, I know you always say I rush into things, and you’re right, but I feel like I made a good choice this time. It’s been tough, but I stuck through it. And it scared me, it still scares me. I need your help Blue. Well, more so I need your… approval.” Lance walked back to Keith and grabbed his hand, lifting it into the air. “I choose Keith, and I need to know if you do too?” Lance ended his statement like a question. Blue meant the world to him, and he knew the wise lioness would help him, either way he chose.

Even Keith could hear the Blue lion purring, he saw Lance physically brighten and knew how much this meant to him. Lance faced Keith and hugged him hard, Lance felt Keith’s tears drop onto his shirt, and he knew he was no better off. Blue leaned down and opened her large, mechanical mouth, signaling the two paladins to enter. Lance dried his tears, as did Keith, and led the way into his lion. He offered the seat to Keith, but Keith declined. Once Lance sat, Keith sat on Lance, earning a shocked cough from Lance. Keith laughed, but didn’t move. Lance moved him so he was sitting in between Lance’s legs and he could rest his chin on Keith’s head. Keith, embarrassed by his height, grunted at this, but didn’t move.

Once the two got situated, Blue put up a video on her screen. Lance paused, but pushed the play button after some words from Blue. Both paladins tensed up when they saw the slideshow start. The first picture was of Lance and Keith laughing and throwing food at each other, consumed in a food fight. The next photo was of Lance holding Keith when he had been injured, Keith smiled softly, leaning into Lance. Lance smiled at the next picture, where Keith had his cat, Kris, and Kris was reaching out to touch noses with Lance. Kris had been with Shiro since Lance had been hospitalized.

The slideshow went on for some time, and when it ended, Lance looked down to find Keith asleep. He chuckled and thanked Blue, curling Keith, and himself, into the comfortable chair.


End file.
